Before You Let Your Child Quit Music Lessons, Read This

In more than 30 years of teaching music, I've heard some version of this more times than I can count:

"I took piano when I was young. I wish my parents hadn't let me quit." (insert your instrument: guitar, violin, voice, drums, etc. here).

Adults tell me this ALL.THE.TIME. But you know what‘ve never heard?

"I really wish my parents had made me stick with soccer when I was eight." 😉

Now, I promise I'm certainly not picking on soccer. Sports are wonderful for kids! My hubby was a sports coach dad and my two boys ALWAYS played sports. My youngest son is playing football in college right now.

But there's something different about music.

Music is something you can carry with you for the rest of your life.

And that's why I think parents should be very careful about letting a child quit simply because learning has gotten hard.

Almost Every Child Will Want to Quit at Some Point

You start lessons with so much excitement, thinking it’s going to be quick and easy. 

Then the honeymoon phase ends.

The brand-new guitar isn't brand new anymore. Piano music gets harder. Violin stops being about making a sound and starts requiring more technique. The child who loved singing suddenly has to work on breath support or a song that challenges them.

And then you hear: "I don't want to do this anymore." or “I don’t feel like practicing.”

Parents naturally think: "I don't want to force them."  I totally understand that.

But there's a big difference between forcing a child to continue something that's truly a terrible fit and helping a child through the completely normal discomfort of getting better at something.

Hard Doesn't Mean Wrong

This may be one of the most important lessons children can learn: Eventually, everything worth becoming good at gets harder.  Think of the famous quote “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard”.

There comes a point when natural ability isn't enough. You have to practice. You have to repeat something. You have to make mistakes. You have to be bad at something long enough to become good at it.

And if the answer every time something becomes difficult is: "Okay, you can quit," we may accidentally rob children of the opportunity to discover what happens on the other side of hard.

Ask WHY They Want to Quit

Before canceling lessons, get curious.

Is it the instrument? The teacher? The music they're playing?

Are they overscheduled? Is the day and time of the lesson really the issue?

Are they frustrated because they've reached a difficult skill?

Are they embarrassed because another student seems better?

Are they simply in a temporary slump in general?

Those are all very different problems, and the solution isn't quitting music.

It may be changing teachers, choosing different music, or reducing pressure around practice.

Trying another instrument that may be a better fit.

Setting a new goal like signing up for an Open Mic or recital so there's something exciting to work toward.

Solve the actual problem before eliminating music altogether. (and remember the beginning of this blog “I wish my parents hadn’t let me quit”. 

Don't Require Them to Love Every Minute

This one is big for me being a teacher, then a mom - we sometimes put a strange expectation on children's activities:

"If they don't LOVE it, why are we making them do it?"

Do you love everything you do? Haha, I don't!  (Laundry, traffic, running, coming up with dinner ideas… lol)

Children don't have to skip happily to the piano every single afternoon for music lessons to be valuable.

There will be weeks they love it and weeks they're frustrated. Weeks they practice beautifully and then weeks the instrument basically becomes an expensive piece of furniture.

That's normal and I’ve seen it with my own children with music, sports, reading, you name it. 

We don't measure the value of music education by whether a child is delighted every minute, we're looking at the long game.

Because One Day, That Child Becomes an Adult

This is the part children can't see yet:

The eight-year-old who wants to quit piano because the song is hard cannot picture herself at 35 sitting down at a piano after a stressful day and playing simply because she loves it.

The twelve-year-old who thinks guitar practice is annoying can't picture himself at 45 playing songs with friends on the back porch.

The teenager who is nervous about singing in a recital can't yet imagine singing to her own baby someday.

Parents can see farther down the road than children can. That's part of our job (and why we make them brush their teeth! 🙂)

Does That Mean a Child Should NEVER Quit?

Of course not. Sometimes an instrument truly isn't a good fit. Sometimes the teacher/student relationship isn't working. Sometimes schedules become unreasonable. Sometimes interests genuinely change.

And sometimes stepping away really is the right decision.

But I wouldn't make that decision in the middle of a frustrating Tuesday night after a bad practice session.

Give it time. Talk with the teacher. Talk to the front desk and change something (day/time/instrument). Then set a future date and reevaluate.

And whenever possible, I especially like having children finish a commitment or reach a milestone rather than quitting in the middle of frustration. 

Finish the rest of the year. Perform at the recital. Reach the next Musical Stripes goals, then decide.

There's something valuable about learning: "I wanted to quit when this got hard—and I didn't."

The Goal Isn't to Raise a Professional Musician

In my 35 years of music experience, I can say that the majority of our students at The Music Studio Atlanta will not become professional musicians, but that's never been the point.  We're helping them build something they can keep. 

My goal as a teacher has always been to pass on the joy of music so that one day, that student will keep the torch going with their children or extended family. Joyfully sing with their children or in the choir. Play holiday music for family. Get out some work stress with a funky groove on the drums. 

Music can become a creative outlet, a source of confidence, a way to connect with other people, something they return to during difficult seasons, and something that can bring joy throughout their lives.

That's why I'm such a believer in giving children enough time to get past the beginning.

Because I've met countless adults who tell me: "I wish I hadn't quit."

Very few children understand at eight years old what they'll wish they could do at 38 - sometimes we parents have to hold that vision for them a little longer.

So when your child hits that inevitable hard patch, don't immediately ask: "Do you want to quit?"

Try asking: "What's making this hard right now—and how can we help you get through it?"

Because, even as an adult, I have to remind myself, sometimes the moment you want to quit something...is right before you’re about to grow.

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